do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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