doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
