If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
