someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
