I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
