i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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