honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
