i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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