Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
