Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize