whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Even my vagina gasped.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
