He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I need to align my fucking chakras
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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