I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
