If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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