Where is the hickey?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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