In the future we'll all be gay
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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