I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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