Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
