Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
