She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
