Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
