she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
