plz talk dirty to me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize