how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Randomize
