I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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