I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
