is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
