I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
