Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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