New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
