I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
