girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
