Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
