last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
