Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
