speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
