Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
