I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
