I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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