My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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