If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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