i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
