Buhtt sex?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
