you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
