I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
