Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize