It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
