Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
