I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
