I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
