This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
