UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
