apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i will never coherently bang her
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
