I think I died a long time ago.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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