our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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