A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
