his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
