This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
