so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
