Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
accomplished twins. life is a go
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
