She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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