She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
