You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
