1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
