One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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