It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
