Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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