you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
