Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
