Moan for me like Helen Keller
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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