And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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