what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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