I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
