he thought i was a dude.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
