You're so nebulous sometimes
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
